Apart from the hot weather and dodgy internet connection, one more thing we need to endure in Tunisia is dodging the marriage question. Here, it’s not a question of “if”, but of “when”. Just like the rest of the animal kingdom, everyone seems to only care about procreation, yours, and under tightly controlled conditions. So if you are 27 and still with no marriage plans, questions arise. And the older you are, the worst it gets. Given the proportions of the problem, I doubt I am the only one in this misery, so I decided to share my years of experience on how to deal with marriage enquiries in Tunisia, and probably in the rest of the Arab world. So here are my main evasive strategies:
Flatter the inquisitor: If the inquisitor is a woman, answer you would like to marry, but you want a girl a bit like her, from the same place she comes from. Add to it a few qualities that she thinks she possesses, praise her, and mention that it would be too hard to find anything like her, and even you find her, she wouldn’t want of you. You can be as blatant as you want on this. Soon enough she will be so pleased and flattered she’ll forget about the original question.
Deflect attention: You are bound to have some relative that is older and still unmarried somewhere. Use them to your advantage: “I am waiting for him/her, I don’t want to steal the limelight”. Sure enough, this strategy can’t be carried out indefinitely, but until your relative caves in, it seems to work.
Self denigration: You are still not mature/wealthy enough to start a family. A family takes responsibility and you are not ready yet. Simple, clean, and works most of the times.
Be snob: Never state you are looking for beauty, never. There are truckloads of beautiful girls in here and it’s too easy a criterion to be met. Make sure you mention social class. I know this sounds shallow, but somehow a man that cares more about “less superficial” stuff than beauty is held in good regard. And furthermore, you can be as vague as you want, and keep on stating that such or such girl or family have no class. Usual playground rules: If you disagree you are regarded as equally unclassy. Surprising how well it works with grown-ups.
But there is a master plan if you know a girl in struggling in the same evasive actions; they are rare as they tend to want to get married anyway. Sadly, it is often the extent of their ambition in Tunisia. And besides they have no proactive role: they only need to sit back and wait for proposals and refuse them as they come by. But if you are lucky enough to find such a girl, and I am still looking, you may team up in an arranged engagement and keep on postponing the marriage. Very easy to fake: you don’t even need to show public displays of affection (they’re shunned upon anyway) to keep the act. You gotta love a puritan society.
My Dear ….
It is surprising to note how shallow such a strategy. Let alone to convince anybody to follow. Your strategy is full of holes…gaps….misunderstanding…etc. I stop enumerating them.
Please note first…
Flatter the inquisitor: This may seem to work. But usually, the complim,enets you may throw on a lady…may lead her to think that you are nice guy,..intelligent,..persipace…etc..and therefore…she may have some girl ..sous-la-main…to get you together. Surely, she could be mistaken about your qualities…but she will work hard on you…until you move towards the girls..she thinks YOU are good for her.
Deflect attention: This may may work if the person you may refer to is your elder brother. Otherwise, nobody takes your arguments seriously. Be sure your P’pa and Mam will continue pressing you..ignoring such an argument;
Self denigration: This is the only arguments which could pay off. BUT, again, people will think that your genuine..realistic, honest…These qualities are rare during these difficult time. It becomes a premium…and every girl would like to marry such an exceptional man…
Be snob: This one is quite true case and I doubt that your parents would introduce you to a potential girl who is of your rank..education…intelligence..perspicacity…etc. I believe this will make their life easier to help you identify such a girl….
Conclusion: Be serious about the matter…A 27 Years old…is the right time to be engaged and marry around 30. Check your parents…ananluyze how nice it could be to have children…growing up..to become friends…Rather than finding their parents…with one leg in the tomb…and a big difference of age.
Food for thought…..
Emir ciao!!!
Do you remember me? Siamo stati qualche giorno a Hammamet insieme nel 1999 mi pare, stavo in vacanza a casa vsotra e ci hai super salvato le serate (tuo papa non c voleva mai fare uscire la sera).
Bhè dopo 7 anni e specialmente in riferimento a questo tuo post lascia che t dica: “Emir 6 un grande in quello che fai e anche se non lo facessi saresti comunque un grande!!!” (Se hai visto il film Blow, puoi capire la frase
).
Penso proprio che Londra sia la città ideale in cui stare per uno con i tuoi propositi…mi sbaglio?!
Chissa forse a presto…
Anna
wow Do all tunisian men think like you? I will be going to tunisia to meet my fiancee’s family and get married this November. I think a man should be emotionally ready and not fear having family sounds like you are not ready is all…
Ha ha Madona…
Don’t worry I am pretty unique. I am sure your Tunisian fiancee will be more than happy to marry you, more so if you hold a Western passport, or probably just because he can’t stand the heat from his family.
I don’t fear a family just as much as I don’t fear watching an Argentinian soap opera. It’s just that I have better things to do with my life. And don’t also worry about my readiness, I am more than financially stable and probably fertile and I don’t doubt I’d be a much better husband/father than the average Tunisian. You don’t only need to be ready, you need to want to.
Anyway, I wish you all the best in the world with your “choice”.
Emir